A Summertime Vent
They are here! Everywhere! Every bloody moment of the day! I
can’t even write this blog post without a child’s head popping into my office
space needing to know what I am doing, how they can help, or when will I log
them back onto their own computer. Big brother exists and so does little
brother and average-sized dad. They all watch my every move, examining,
questioning, syphoning my energy and my time. It’s amazing how very little I
can achieve while being busily monopolized all day long. I play stupid little
games on my iPhone like Homescapes and Wordscapes between making food or
inventing chores or games or air-conditioned outings to keep kids occupied
because my mind and fingers need to go through the motions of doing something
that won’t piss me off if I’m interrupted.
Because if I were to actually do the things I want to do:
write, study for the RICA, etc. things which require my full attention, I’d be
doomed. Within minutes of attempting to craft a plot, character or sentence, or
even start memorizing the strategies for Domain 2, they would be in my space
and my face derailing my train of thought and killing off half my mental
passengers.
I count the days till school restarts not just because I
want them out of my space. I need them out of my space. I need to write
uninterrupted. Heck I need to just hear myself think for two hours straight in
my own space. This is the key part. Because I can wander the aisles of Target
for some “me time” or go to the library to write but for my own mental sanity I
NEED THE HOUSE. I need to hear the silent walls echoing back my undisturbed
thoughts or a marathon dance session of Abba music sung loudly and off-key. I
need to eat alone without someone commenting on my extra-large cinnamon roll “Aren’t
you on a diet?” even if it’s just in their head or wanting to help me eat the
cinnamon roll or wanting me to stop eating it long enough to cook them
spaghetti for breakfast or watch them make slime for the 100th time.
And no one in the house gets it. Plus, I sound like a
selfish bitch when I say that I need everyone out. They promise to stick to
their rooms, but that’s not it. There is something glorious in a completely
empty house. Something wholly mine! My space to be as weird and wonderful as my
strange self wants to be without explaining why or fending off the “You’re so
weird” looks and comments. Maybe I want to dance naked to said Abba music
without turning my husband on or sending my kids to therapy. Maybe I want to
act out the first chapter of my novel-to-be without censoring language, plot,
and bad accents. Maybe I just want to feel the empty space and let my pent-up
aura spread its wings. Right now I feel confined to the space of my body, a too
small container that others touch and knead with needy cat’s claws. My mind and
spirit are bigger than my body. They need the full area of the house to spill
out and stretch my cramped thoughts out.
I love my kids. I love my husband. I just love my own space
and company, and I haven’t seen either since summer began. Oh well. Only 29
days to go.
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