Elf on the Damn Shelf
There he sits that evil plastic Christmas elf
commercial demon made to sit on the shelf.
With mocking delight, he flashes me a smile
A smug, wicked grin that makes me revile,
to move last night to a new spying spot.
I sneak the short sucker under my night shirt.
Then find a new place for the spying pervert.
I drop him atop a new shelf without care
hoping he can terrorize kids from up there.
Nothing too fancy, I'm not Pinterest's whore
he can sit on the shelf and stare at the door.
Facebook's Mom of the Year, I'll never be
because I lack the time, will, or energy
to destroy my house in the name of the elf
who should have remained on Target's shiny shelf.
