Raising Boys in the Time of #MeToo and Bully-Hunting

I am finding myself lost in a world of contradictions. I'm Alice eating the wrong side of the cake at the wrong time and growing too big and breaking the house or too small and drowning in a sea of confusion. Simply put - I don't always know how to parent in this modern age where bad people still get away with being bad but their actions punish the rest of us.

For example, I am raising two kind and thoughtful young boys who see girls as their equals. I am a Feminist mother using #MeToo as a cautionary tale to protect the future generations and guide my teaching practices. But I am raising two affectionate boys who still crawl into my lap and cuddle and kiss me on the nose or forehead as I ruffle their hair. A hug is a natural impulse to them. And I know they need to be educated to respect others who don't want to be hugged. But I also don't want to live in a world where they are hauled into the Principal's office for hugging a friend who was okay with the hug. What message does that send?

Doesn't it seem like the bad apples, the rotten fruit of our society who are really and truly guilty of rape, sexual harassment, and bullying have triggered a knee-jerk reaction to punish everyone?

Now don't get me wrong. I believe the wrongdoers need to be punished. MeToo is a real thing, and I carry my own shameful stories and fears as a woman and want this kind of demeaning "women as sexual objects" kind of culture to end.

But why is the pendulum swinging so far to the other side it knocks all the innocent parties down too?  We no longer live in a world of balance. There is no ying/yang harmony. Just a confusing red - like an angry siren that goes off on everyone. Yes, safety precautions are absolutely necessary. There is way too much abuse going on.

But there is also too much abuse of the system. My youngest son calls bullying when my oldest looks at him wrong. In fact, I've seen first grade girls manipulate the bully word to try to get another girl in trouble. All the while, a real bully picked on my oldest son for several months before my son lost it and hit him. The school ended up not punishing him because the teacher had documented the problem to the admin.

I don't know what the answer is. Rules are in place because we know the world is a dangerous place. But will we make it better if we also support everyone to call bully or take affection out of the world? How do we navigate these tricky waters as parents?

I want to educate and protect my sons from abuse on both sides of the spectrum. To look at a mad world through a rationale lens and ask what is appropriate for this situation. Not what is the blanket reaction to anything that steps its toes too close to a dangerous topic.