View from a teacher's brain and heart: Reactions during the Corona Crisis

I know there are several posts like this out there. But for my own piece of mind, I had to share this and get my two cents out there.

     To begin with, I am sitting at my computer, a place I've been stationed at more than ever before since the Corona crisis began, trying to unknot the anxiety pretzel in my stomach. My nerves are raw, my shoulders are tense, and my dander is up because I am fed up with the angry parents who are unleashing a word vomit of unfounded accusations against my district's teachers for a supposed lack of work for their children. They're demanding that we need to be fired for not doing our jobs because it took three weeks for the Desert Sands Unified School District to role out their learning plan.

     I understand that these disgruntled parents are frustrated because of the gap in the learning time. As a parent of a 4th and 7th grader, I get it. I don't want my kids falling behind either. However, as an educator, I need these parents to step back for a minute, take a deep breath, and see the whole picture.

     For one, when you compare what our district is doing compared with other districts, you are 1. not getting the whole picture and 2. picking and choosing what fits your personal argument. We do not know what those other districts had in place for emergencies. We do not know the socio-economic mix of that district or its size when you just say, "San Diego's been doing this that and the other while Orange County does this". Plus, you're leaving out the data of the other school districts in other states who are just now getting Chromebooks to students or just rolled out their distance learning plan. Don't make blanket statements.

     More importantly, do not tell me that all DSUSD teachers are not doing their work and trying to teach their students. That is another blanket statement. One that I can refute with evidence. I, myself, have had my Google Classroom up and running since the day we left school as have all the other teachers I work with. I have been posting activities, videos, lessons, etc on a daily basis. However, not every student is logging on/or participating. While we may have been waiting for the formal go ahead from the district for what distance learning is coupled with attending many online training sessions for new distance learning platforms, we have been supporting students emotionally and educationally throughout the entire time.

     For my own personal experience, I spend most of my day near my phone or computer so that I can respond quickly to my students or their parents when they ask questions about a reading or math activity I've posted. I've answered questions at 7 at night while playing a board game with my own kids. Otherwise, I'm searching for engaging activities, free e-books and audi-books, and online readings for my class.

     In the middle of the night, I wake up crying because I miss my students and worry about how they're doing.

     Teachers are not sitting back relaxing and having a vacation. We're reworking the problem trying desperately to find a solution that fits all students. Because if you came into my class you would see that a cookie cutter, one size fits all scenario will not work. I have students who read from 2nd grade level to 7th grade level. I have some who grasp math quickly and others who struggle with basic math facts. I have visual learners, auditory learners, kinesthetic learners, etc. I have special education students in my class too. So I'm working hard to find lessons and online platforms to support all of them. Plus, you need to take in the whole picture of the whole child. Many of these complaining parents come from a place of privilege. I need to find a way to help students who might have to watch younger siblings while parents work or who have other home life issues or emotional issues due to divorce, death, etc.. But I am not resting and sipping on margaritas in the back yard.

     No one goes into teaching believing it's an easy job. It's a crazy, stressful roller coaster of emotional and mental challenges. We do it because we love helping children. My students are at the forefront of my thoughts. I work myself to the bone to make sure they get the best of me, and that they know that I care about them deeply.

     Moreover, the 45 minutes Monday - Thursday is just the engagement time. I know I will personally have more than 45 minutes of work assigned for math and ELA that the students will be doing independently. The engagement time is for going over the lesson via Zoom or Google Classroom so the kids can ask questions and you can get feedback of how they're doing. No one is doing a three hour Zoom lesson, it's not practical for anyone. It's here's the instructions, here's the lesson, okay now how did you do, and let's now practice this based on what I just heard from your answers and questions. What child do you know who can pay attention to a Zoom meeting for that long? I get fidgety. We will assign independent work that they can do over the course of several hours that figure in breaks and attention spans.

     So please, until you have canvassed every teacher in our district and then made a thorough, logical, non-biased study of every single district in the United States, get off your high horse and accept these are unprecedented times and your kids will learn something. Though please remember that you are their first role model, and how you conduct yourself and talk to people is what they will emulate.

My 2 Cent Soapbox: Dreary Lazy Days of Summer

My 2 Cent Soapbox: Dreary Lazy Days of Summer: Dreary Lazy Days of Summer Today's summer days stretch like cats and drop back to sleep There's no cadence to these timeless days...

Summer Daze

Today's summer days stretch like cats and drop back to sleep
There's no cadence to these timeless days
Just a meandering of starving, stray dogs across the calendar,
looking for scraps of fun, something to be done.

Gone are the glory days of 80's play when hours spent themselves.
Time was measured in street lights back then.
Now time is marked in red ink on a desert-ed white organizer.
It's day-camped out and bought online, our scheduled summer time.

I once summered with fellow two-wheeled travelers
or scaled structures designed to scrap and bruise the skin.
I wore my wounds like merit badges, or a membership
to the skinned knee society of the climbed and conquered tree.

Now, I inhabit Mars with a crew of three, my kids and me.
Shuffling around home base, checking monitors to connected space.
No signs of life roam outside these double-insulated walls.
The terrain's been deemed too hostile to sustain children's games.

For our health, we stay Zip-locked and stranger-danger safe
behind bolted doors and on the couch or on a chair
summers spent upholstering our backside and cushioned bellies
lazy cats who go no where, too bored to care, too scared to dare.

My 2 Cent Soapbox: Summertime Vent: When Do I Get the House Back?

My 2 Cent Soapbox: Summertime Vent: When Do I Get the House Back?: A Summertime Vent They are here! Everywhere! Every bloody moment of the day! I can’t even write this blog post without a child’s head po...

Summertime Vent: When Do I Get the House Back?

A Summertime Vent

They are here! Everywhere! Every bloody moment of the day! I can’t even write this blog post without a child’s head popping into my office space needing to know what I am doing, how they can help, or when will I log them back onto their own computer. Big brother exists and so does little brother and average-sized dad. They all watch my every move, examining, questioning, syphoning my energy and my time. It’s amazing how very little I can achieve while being busily monopolized all day long. I play stupid little games on my iPhone like Homescapes and Wordscapes between making food or inventing chores or games or air-conditioned outings to keep kids occupied because my mind and fingers need to go through the motions of doing something that won’t piss me off if I’m interrupted.

Because if I were to actually do the things I want to do: write, study for the RICA, etc. things which require my full attention, I’d be doomed. Within minutes of attempting to craft a plot, character or sentence, or even start memorizing the strategies for Domain 2, they would be in my space and my face derailing my train of thought and killing off half my mental passengers.

I count the days till school restarts not just because I want them out of my space. I need them out of my space. I need to write uninterrupted. Heck I need to just hear myself think for two hours straight in my own space. This is the key part. Because I can wander the aisles of Target for some “me time” or go to the library to write but for my own mental sanity I NEED THE HOUSE. I need to hear the silent walls echoing back my undisturbed thoughts or a marathon dance session of Abba music sung loudly and off-key. I need to eat alone without someone commenting on my extra-large cinnamon roll “Aren’t you on a diet?” even if it’s just in their head or wanting to help me eat the cinnamon roll or wanting me to stop eating it long enough to cook them spaghetti for breakfast or watch them make slime for the 100^th time.

And no one in the house gets it. Plus, I sound like a selfish bitch when I say that I need everyone out. They promise to stick to their rooms, but that’s not it. There is something glorious in a completely empty house. Something wholly mine! My space to be as weird and wonderful as my strange self wants to be without explaining why or fending off the “You’re so weird” looks and comments. Maybe I want to dance naked to said Abba music without turning my husband on or sending my kids to therapy. Maybe I want to act out the first chapter of my novel-to-be without censoring language, plot, and bad accents. Maybe I just want to feel the empty space and let my pent-up aura spread its wings. Right now I feel confined to the space of my body, a too small container that others touch and knead with needy cat’s claws. My mind and spirit are bigger than my body. They need the full area of the house to spill out and stretch my cramped thoughts out.

I love my kids. I love my husband. I just love my own space and company, and I haven’t seen either since summer began. Oh well. Only 29 days to go.

A Christmas Poem: Elf on the Damn Shelf

Elf on the Damn Shelf

There he sits that evil plastic Christmas elf
commercial demon made to sit on the shelf.
With mocking delight, he flashes me a smile
A smug, wicked grin that makes me revile,

that damned elf who I obviously forgot
to move last night to a new spying spot.
I sneak the short sucker under my night shirt.
Then find a new place for the spying pervert.
I drop him atop a new shelf without care
hoping he can terrorize kids from up there.
Nothing too fancy, I'm not Pinterest's whore
he can sit on the shelf and stare at the door.
Facebook's Mom of the Year, I'll never be
because I lack the time, will, or energy
to destroy my house in the name of the elf
who should have remained on Target's shiny shelf.

Raising Boys in the Time of #MeToo and Bully-Hunting

I am finding myself lost in a world of contradictions. I'm Alice eating the wrong side of the cake at the wrong time and growing too big and breaking the house or too small and drowning in a sea of confusion. Simply put - I don't always know how to parent in this modern age where bad people still get away with being bad but their actions punish the rest of us.

For example, I am raising two kind and thoughtful young boys who see girls as their equals. I am a Feminist mother using #MeToo as a cautionary tale to protect the future generations and guide my teaching practices. But I am raising two affectionate boys who still crawl into my lap and cuddle and kiss me on the nose or forehead as I ruffle their hair. A hug is a natural impulse to them. And I know they need to be educated to respect others who don't want to be hugged. But I also don't want to live in a world where they are hauled into the Principal's office for hugging a friend who was okay with the hug. What message does that send?

Doesn't it seem like the bad apples, the rotten fruit of our society who are really and truly guilty of rape, sexual harassment, and bullying have triggered a knee-jerk reaction to punish everyone?

Now don't get me wrong. I believe the wrongdoers need to be punished. MeToo is a real thing, and I carry my own shameful stories and fears as a woman and want this kind of demeaning "women as sexual objects" kind of culture to end.

But why is the pendulum swinging so far to the other side it knocks all the innocent parties down too?  We no longer live in a world of balance. There is no ying/yang harmony. Just a confusing red - like an angry siren that goes off on everyone. Yes, safety precautions are absolutely necessary. There is way too much abuse going on.

But there is also too much abuse of the system. My youngest son calls bullying when my oldest looks at him wrong. In fact, I've seen first grade girls manipulate the bully word to try to get another girl in trouble. All the while, a real bully picked on my oldest son for several months before my son lost it and hit him. The school ended up not punishing him because the teacher had documented the problem to the admin.

I don't know what the answer is. Rules are in place because we know the world is a dangerous place. But will we make it better if we also support everyone to call bully or take affection out of the world? How do we navigate these tricky waters as parents?

I want to educate and protect my sons from abuse on both sides of the spectrum. To look at a mad world through a rationale lens and ask what is appropriate for this situation. Not what is the blanket reaction to anything that steps its toes too close to a dangerous topic.